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So when I was growing up, my mum (who suffers with anxiety disorder and self-image/confidence issues) spent a whole lot of time worrying about how she looked, what other people thought etc. So naturally this was behaviour I learned. Paranoia about being laughed at, gossipped about, sneered at. Unsure whether this is consequence or cause, but both of us are highly critical of others - my mum will keep up a running commentary when we're out together taking apart people's outfits (almost exclusively women, so there's obviously some internalised misogyny there) and such. Of late this has become something I find very upsetting, and I've tried to get across to her that the reason she worries so much about others criticising her is that she's so critical herself.

From my own perspective, I don't fully understand why I care at all about the opinions of people I actively dislike. What does it matter if they don't like me? It's a bit 'dog in the manger' to expect someone you don't have any positive feelings about to think well of you. And yet it matters to me if I'm not liked.

I don't yet have any resolution on this one, but nosce te ipsum and all that.
 
 
 
 
 
 


Scuse random sideways photo. Really useful 6 drawer chest with Chinese-style brass handles and decals. 155cm wide, 70cm tall, 40cm deep. Collect from Islington. If you can provide the manpower to get it outside the house, I'll even drive it anywhere within a couple of miles of Islington for an extra fiver.

Was over £200 new; yours for £45.
 
 
 
 
 
 

On NYE one of my colleagues resigned. Last week I asked for a payrise. Yesterday my request was denied. Today I discovered the main reason was that management believed I'd only asked because of my colleague's resignation; i.e because I thought I had them over a barrel. This is absolutely not true but strikes me as the most astonishingly ass-backwards thinking. If you're aware your staff know their value because you're understaffed, surely the last thing you want to do is deny them a cost of living payrise? So cynical.

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Do you have C#, C++, good all-round development, deployment, release and testing skills? Know someone who does? Send 'em this way.

Canary Wharf location, has to be corporate friendly - or at least willing to pretend to be corp-friendly for the duration of the working day.

Put the word out? Chiz :)
 
 
 
 
 
 
*tap tap*

Is this thing on?
 
 
 
 
 
 
So, I want to sing. I love singing, I am (kind of) OK at it so long as it's in the mezzo-soprano range and I want to do more. But I can't read music and I'm not good enough to be in an audition choir. What I could really do with is some kind of amateur singing group which actually learns and practices stuffs.

Anyone know of such a thing in North-ish/Central London?
 
 
 
 
 
 
So, this weekend we went to Krakow. We had a great time, usual stuff, lots of cocktails. But that's not a write-up which needs writing; we've done it all before.

We also went to Auschwitz-Birkenau, and this is something which does bear writing about.

The Holocaust is something I've been aware of in detail since I did my GCSEs, as Hitler's rise to power and the Final Solution formed part of the syllabus. We saw some pretty gruesome footage and photographs as part of our studies, but it's something which sits in your brain as a horrible thing but somewhat removed from 'real life'. Actually being there made it very, very real. And the true horror is that this is something which happened less than 65 years ago.

The first Auschwitz camp with the famous 'Arbeit Macht Frei' sign ('Work will make you free') initially doesn't feel particularly horrifying - it was originally barracks built for Polish soldiers and the avenues between are lined with trees - but as you move through each barrack building you see how the SS converted and adapted the camp to degrade, torture and eventually kill their prisoners. 'Standing cells' just 90cm square designed for 4 people to spend their nights in - unable to sit or lie down, unable to go to the bathroom, crawling with lice and filth. Suffocation cells - rooms which could perhaps accommodate three people comfortably being used for 30-40 inmates, ensuring that overnight many expired from lack of oxygen.

In Barrack 16 there is an exhibition of items recovered from Auschwitz which materially demonstrated what had been done to those incarcerated there. Women's hair, removed after gassing. About 50,000 women in one room. The Nazis sold it off to be used as cloth, or mattress stuffing. Nothing wasted. Thousands of pairs of shoes, thousands of suitcases, glasses, hairbrushes and other personal effects. There aren't really any words to cover how this makes you feel. If you bought second-hand gold jewellery in Germany in the last 60-odd years, there's every chance it was made from melted down gold teeth, torn from newly-gassed mouths.

Between 16 and 17, cordoned off from the other barracks, there's an execution wall. Thousands of men, women and children were lined up here and shot in the back, for minute infractions of the many rules of the camp. Most of the time for no reason at all.

Rudolf Höss and his family maintained a house just outside the camp, and right next to it now stands the gallows from which he was hanged. Of the 8,000 Gestapo/SS officers who were involved with running the concentration camps, only 700 were ever captured. Some are possibly still alive.

Auschwitz II- Birkenau is a whole other experience. It stretches as far as the eye can see and was purpose built - along with many other camps - to exterminate the Jewish population in Europe. Individuals who had been identified as scapegoats for Germany's economic woes. The cattle cars would arrive and thousands of families were torn apart - many sent immediately to the gas chambers. Those who were deemed able to work were used as slave labour.

People often write that they were treated like animals. I disagree - most people treat animals well. These were treated like people whom the Nazis wanted to break, degrade and humiliate. And when that ceased to be entertaining, they were murdered. If they survived the selection, some were sent to be live subjects for Mengele's experiments. Many people threw themselves on the electrified fences in order to end the suffering.

How many of these places are you even aware of? Dachau? Bergen-Belsen? That's probably where my knowledge ended before this weekend.

Auschwitz I (Oświęcim)
Auschwitz II (Birkenau / Brzezinka)
Auschwitz III (Monowitz / Monowice)
Babice (Babitz)
Bieruń (Berun)
Blechhammer (Arbeitslager Blechhammer)
Bobrek
Brno (Brünn)
Bruntal (Freudenthal)
Budy[citation needed] [clarification needed]
Chełmek
Chorzów (Arbeitslager Bismarckshütte)
Chrzanów
Cosel
Czechowice-Dziedzice (Tschechowitz I & II)[1]
Czernica
Dziedzice
Jesenik (Freiwaldau)
Friedenshütte
Gliwice (Gleiwitz)
Goleszów (Golleschau)
Hajduki I-II
Harmeze (Harmensee)
Zabrze (Hindenburg)
Jawiszowice (Jawischowitz)
Jaworzno (Arbeitslager Neu-Dachs)
Kobiór (Kobior)
Lędziny (Arbeitslager Günthergrube)
Lesslau
Libiaz Maty (Janinagrube)
Lagiewniki Slaskie (Hohenlinde, Hubertushütte)
Lagisza Cmentarna (Lagischa)
Prudnik (Neustadt)
Pyskowice (Peiskretscham)
Pławy (Plawy)
Pszczyna (Pleß)
Radostowice
Rajsko
Rydultowy (Arbeitslager Charlottegrube)
Siemianowice (Laurahütte)
Sosnowiec (Sosnowitz)
Stara Kuźnia (Althammer)
Stara Wieś
Świętochłowice (Arbeitslager Eintrachtshütte)
Trzebinia
Wesoła (Fürstengrube)
Zittau
Żywiec

None of us can come close to imagining the horror of what those people suffered. Not even close.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Would anyone be willing to come and give us a hand shifting a few bits of furniture next Sunday? Most boxes will be done, but we could use an extra pair of hands with things like the sofa. Pizza and beer available :)

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